At the beginning of the summer, I really thought I had it all. I had been given the opportunity to serve with the student interns at my church, I was a part of an incredible ministry on my college campus, and I thought my relationship with God was going great. But God. (Aren’t those words the best?)
In June, God spoke to me more clearly than I have ever heard Him, and He told me, “You are stepping into the hardest season of your life, and you are going to feel like you can’t hear Me. Know that I am with you, know that I need you to keep going, and know that I need you to jump when I say ‘jump.” Doesn’t that suck? God promised me the most challenging season of my life at a time when I thought I had everything going for me, and the cake topper is this: I felt inconvenienced. I felt like God had picked the worst season of my life to teach me a lesson.
Reading those words on my computer screen is embarrassing. I look at them and I think about how selfish and closed off to the things of God that person has to be. The truth is tough to admit, but I had gotten so good at “doing God” that I stopped actually seeking God. I had gotten so good at leading, that I stopped letting God lead me.
So enter in the most difficult season of my life. After a month and a half of this season of no longer hearing God, of feeling overlooked, of letting my pride run rampant and of nearly deciding to quit everything I was involved in, I finally sat down. I sat on the floor of my closet and SOBBED. Not that cute little church campy cry we girls do to make ourselves feel super spiritual; I ugly cried. I dripped snot and I couldn’t catch my breath, and I sobbed into the floor of my closet as I laid before a God who I knew I had chosen to stop trusting.
But the beautiful thing about being broken at the feet of our Father is that we have positioned ourselves to let Him pick us up and hold us in His arms the way He desires to do daily.
As I sat there and let my Dad hold me, I heard Him whisper, “jump.” So I did. I jumped into the plan that I know God has for my life and I started Worth More Ministries. Now that I think back on it, I walked through the same season that Noah did.
God asked Noah to build an ark when it had never even rained before. So Noah did it. God asked Noah to gather the animals and his family and to load them on the ark. So Noah did it. God asked Noah to sit inside the ark for 40 days and 40 nights and to trust His faithfulness. So Noah did. God asked Noah to sit in the ark for another 110 days and nights as the water receded. So Noah did. FINALLY, in Genesis 8:15, God speaks to Noah for the first time since he entered the ark, and gives him the go-ahead to “jump” off the boat, and to step into the unknown. So Noah does it.
How often have we hesitated at the door of our own ark, afraid to trust the goodness of God? How often have we decided to abandon our ark completely, because the unknown frightens us? Like Noah, most of us have no idea what the other side of the door looks like. I used to imagine that Noah and his family stepped off the ark and into the wreckage of a flooded earth. I imagined that there were trees strewn everywhere, bodies of those who had died laid everywhere, and that nothing would have looked familiar. Now I know that Noah stepped off the boat into the kind of fresh start that only a loving God can create. Noah and his family stepped off the boat and into the arms of a God who held them every day.
What is your ark? What has God asked you to open the door of? Take it from someone who avoided her ark as long as possible…the other side of the door is beautiful.