This blog is going to be a little weird…let’s just get that out of the way first. Writing it was a deeply personal experience, and the Lord spoke to me more clearly about this one than He ever has. It was one of those knock-the-wind-right-out-of-you moments. I actually had a completely different blog written, but when I sat down to finish it, I knew I needed to write this one instead.
I started praying as I was driving to work this morning, and in that still, small voice, God lovingly corrected me and kicked my butt all at the same time. As I was talking to Him, He said, “You can worship, and pray, and talk at me all you want, but I need you to slow down and talk with me again. I need you to let your guard down.” Those simple, stern words came, and I showed up to work a blubbering mess.
If I’m being honest, the past few weeks and months I’ve walked around avoiding any intimate moment with God. I felt overlooked, alone, forgotten about, and whatever other negative feeling you can think of, and I blamed Him for all of it. I put up walls and I refused to let God in because I held Him as the root of all my problems. When I (finally) got in my closet to do my quiet time this afternoon, I started journaling, and I felt like I needed to share what He spoke to me with all of you.
Let’s call this week a grace week. We all need one every once in a while. So this week, just read this as if God is speaking to you. Let Him enter into those places of your heart that you’ve shut Him out of, and let Him begin to tear down the walls you’ve started to build.
You have no idea how much these sweet moments with you mean to me. My heart is always turned to you, and I long for yours to be turned towards me. All those moments you thought of me, or dared to dream bigger, or whispered something to me in passing—I heard. I held on to each of those moments because the desires of your heart bring great joy to me. Every moment that you realized how much you desired relationship with me, I saved. I have pictures of you hung all over my house and I want to capture and hold on to every moment with you. You look back at these past few weeks and see laziness, uncertainty, and anger. I look back and I see those sweet seconds or minutes you spent with me—even if you were yelling at Me, even if you were upset. I look back and I see thousands of seconds that the blood of my son covered. I will never stop waiting for you, and I will never stop desiring a relationship with you.
My girl, everything has an order, but not everything can be explained. You have tried to figure out my method for loving you. Don’t you know that it’s not that complicated? You have this belief that I only hand out my love when I want to, but really it’s a raging fire that can never be contained. My heart burns for you, and my eye is always on you. Planting this truth in your heart is a process and it will take time. Didn’t it take time for you to gain my trust and turn back to me when I saved you from yourself? I loved that pursuit of your heart as much as I love this one. You are always chosen, always wanted, always pursued, and always valued.”
Reader, hold on to this one truth today—You are a daughter of a King who is not moved by the world. He loves you, and He sees you. His love is not circumstantial. He loves beyond reason and understanding, and He has never let you out of His sight.